Have you ever felt like giving up on a certain situation because it just seemed too hard to deal with in a godly manner?
Have you ever grown weary of the wait for the Lord to intervene on your behalf to deal with a certain circumstance in your life?
Have you ever felt that life has dealt you too many unfair blows, and it just doesn't seem like it would ever get any better?
How do we live a life that is pleasing to the Lord, when we sometimes feel like we just can't get it right in a certain area?
Have you ever had days like that? I have.
I have actually had days where I just thought that I would never get it right, and I felt like just giving up. I have had days where I was so weary of the wait for the Lord to intervene, that Satan succeeded in tempting me to take matters into my own hands, which had an even worse consequence than the mis-justice that I was already experiencing.
We all know that God's Word says that we are to forgive those that have sinned against us, but why is it so hard to do sometimes?
I have pondered that question for a long time, and was able to only come up with one answer:
Because our carnal nature does not want to give up 'the right to be right'.
I know that there are probably dozens, if not hundreds, of people that can relate to what I'm saying. When we get offended by someone, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we 'have the right' to not only get offended in the first place, but to also hang onto that offense.
After all, the offender committed a huge sin against us and we have every right in the world to hang onto that offense and hold it against them for a very long time, right?
Wrong.
In a matter of fact, not only is that sort of attitude the wrong attitude to have, but it is also the wrong kind of thinking that we are to have as well. And not only is it the wrong kind of thinking, but it is also the wrong kind of belief to have as true followers of Jesus.
In order for us to truly be pleasing in the eyes of the Lord, we must obey everything that is written in His Word. We cannot obey just what we want to, or what fits in with how we want to live our lives. We must live our lives the way that He wants us to live it.
If we truly love Jesus and want to follow Him, we do not have the option of picking and choosing which parts of the Bible to follow. In order to truly please our Heavenly Father we must be willing to obey all of His Word, no matter how hard it may seem to be able to do.
In the past, one of the areas that I have had trouble in, is in the area of forgiveness. I have had many, many wrongs done against me throughout my life. Some of these wrongs affected me so severely that I didn't think that I would ever be able to get over them.
In a matter of fact, on one certain occasion, I had opened the door for an extremely severe attack from Satan by holding onto the offense instead of giving it to the Lord, and forgiving the offender, like the Lord would have liked me to do.
Instead of doing things the Lord's way, I thought that I 'had the right to be right' by hanging onto that offense. I thought that surely because the offense was so severe, that I was somehow justified in hanging on to all of that bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness that I was displaying toward the persons that offended me, instead of dealing with it in the godly manner that the Lord wanted me to, and according to His Word.
What then resulted from my unwillingness to give it up to the Lord, was not only a deeply rooted offense - a hurt so deep that it affected everything that I did, but it also resulted in this offense festering inside of me for so long that it was almost like a cancer eating away at my very being. It was like a cancer trying to take my life. It was like a disease that was slowly killing me inside more and more by the day.
I was so stubborn in the wrong thinking that I had that 'right' to hang on to this offense, that I was bent on hanging onto it no matter what. It then grew and grew everyday to the point that it was then all that I was thinking about. Not once in that wrong thinking did it dawn on me that I was rebelling against the Lord and what He said to do about it in His Word.
Morning, noon, and night, all I did was think about this offense that had occurred.
Morning, noon, and night, all I did was talk about it to anybody and everybody that would listen.
Morning, noon, and night, all I did was emphasis the wrong that was done against me, making sure that I was slandering the offender real good in the process.
I could no longer wake up with peaceful thoughts of the Lord first thing in the morning. The offense was the only thing that was fresh on my mind every morning when I awoke.
I could no longer sleep peacefully at night. The offense was all that festered inside of me and clouded my mind before sleep, if I was lucky enough to have sleep come.
No longer could I dream peaceful dreams. My dreams were now filled with nightmares of the offense playing over and over again in my mind, constantly tormenting me.
No longer did I enjoy the things in life that I had enjoyed prior to the offense. The offense so consumed my mind, that I had lost interest in everything around me.
I was a prisoner of my own mind. I no longer had a real life. The devil had successfully taken it from me, but yet I was too blinded by the offense to see it at the time.
No longer did I have freedom in Christ, as I had now managed to not only let Satan in, but I had also managed by doing so, to allow Satan to hold me into BONDAGE to this particular offense. The devil had me right where he wanted me, and I was downright miserable.
All of this started because I had thought that I had 'the right to be right'. All I was doing day by day was opening that door wider and wider for Satan to waltz right into my life and attack me consistently through this offense.
Believe me, if you give the devil an open door like that, he's going to take it. He's not going to just walk right past that open door, ignoring the opportunity to wreak havoc upon your life.
He's not going to just breeze on by and think, “Oh, she's not in her right mind at the moment. I'll come back later.” He's going to gloat over the fact that he's got you right where he wants you, that he's got you so distracted away from the things of God by this latest offense, that he will take advantage of the opening.
Believe me, the devil is not nice, nor is he a gentleman. He will come right in through that open door - like the wolf that he is - looking to kill, steal and destroy in any area of your life that he can, now that he's got his foot in the door. Give the devil an inch, and he will take a mile!
A few times the Lord tried to get my attention through other people. I ignored them, bent on keeping that offense. I did not want to listen to godly counsel on how I needed to forgive the offender. I only wanted to listen to people that had jumped on my bandwagon about how horrible these people were for what they did to me.
And the more that I listened to these people, the more that the offense festered and festered, deeper and deeper. The devil was a pro at using these people to 'feed the demons' that were keeping me in torment in my own private hell that was called my mind.
Then a couple of days came when I felt that I could actually forgive these people. I would then seek the Lord, crying out that I wanted to forgive them. I even verbally told the Lord that I forgave them, giving the offense to Him, only to turn around and take the offense right back a couple of hours later.
Nope. I couldn't get it right.
I was now so bound up by the offense and the sin that I was in by not forgiving the offender, that it started affecting my health. My body became so wracked with physical pain that I could no longer work. Then one day, I received a bombshell.
I had brought my son to a ball game when all of a sudden I had a pain so severe in my head, that I knew that there was something wrong. I immediately went to the area hospital emergency room, where the Doctors had the wisdom to scan my head.
I was laying on a bed in the emergency room when the Doctor's came in to give me the news. The Radiologist had read the scan and had discovered a brain aneurysm. I was now terrified by the news that I could have died before I reached the hospital, had it ruptured.
I ended up at a different hospital where they had expert brain surgeons that could handle the emergency brain surgery that I would need to have. As I lay there on the bed waiting for the surgery, I thought back to how I had opened the door for this latest attack.
For the first time in many, many months, I sought the Lord for help. I knew that not only did I need His help with the healing that I would need in my brain, but I also knew that I needed His help in forgiving those that had carried out the offense against me.
For the first time in months, my mind was clear enough to grasp that I was in sin by not forgiving those who trespassed against me, as the Lord said to do in His Word.
For the first time in months, I didn't want to just shrivel up and die. I wanted to live! The thought of leaving all of my children behind as orphans had terrified me, thinking about how devastated they would have been, had I died.
I lay staring at the white wall in the hospital room when all of a sudden it was like the wall opened up, and the Lord started playing a movie on it. I watched as scenes from the offense were played out on the wall.
I saw when the offense first occurred, how I had run - out of fear - to man instead of the Lord for an answer to the problem, and I had gotten no where by doing so.
I also noted that I had then, at that time, become so discouraged by not getting help from man, that I actually started believing that the Lord had abandoned me during the time that I needed Him the most. And that's when I started taking matters into my own hands.
Instead of running to the Lord and giving it to Him to deal with, I dealt with it entirely the wrong way. I carried that offense and allowed it to fester beyond anything else that I had ever experienced in my life.
The Lord showed me the many, many times that He had tried to get my attention on the matter, to show me just how far off of the track that I had gotten, but I was so consumed by the offense, so blinded by it, that I refused to see it. Even when it came from Him.
I now felt full of sorrow for how much I had hurt the Lord by rebelling against Him. I love Him with all of my heart, but yet here I was, willfully choosing to rebel against Him.
I thought back to all that He had done for me so far.
I thought back to how He had intervened on my behalf time and time again.
I thought back to how He made sure that I had everything that I needed all of the time.
I thought back to all of the times that He would visit with me, showering His love on me in the process.
I thought back to how He had willfully allowed Himself to be spit at, whipped, beat, crucified, shedding His precious blood for me on the cross.
I thought back to how He died for me.
All of a sudden I started feeling incredibly selfish. Here I was, loved and cherished by my God, and all I was doing was acting like a spoiled little brat and rebelling against Him.
He didn't deserve that kind of treatment from me after all that He did for me, after all that He did for mankind. I was instantly full of sorrow.
I cried out to the Lord that I had been a fool.
I cried out to the Lord that I had sinned against Him by rebelling against what it says to do in His Word.
I cried out to the Lord that I had sinned against Him, period.
I cried out to the Lord that I don't know why He put up with me for as long as He has, without giving up on me.
I cried out to the Lord that I missed Him terribly, and that I wanted His rest, His peace back within my life.
I begged him to forgive me.
I cried out to the Lord for MERCY, upon me, a sinner.
I instantly felt His peace enter into me. I felt a tremendous amount of relief, knowing that He was there with me. I felt safe again.
I went in to surgery, knowing that whatever happened to me at that moment, that my life was in the Lord's hands, as it always was. I cried out to Him to spare my life....
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15 KJV
I awoke from brain surgery briefly wondering if I was still alive. Everything seemed surreal. The Doctors had told me of the risks associated with the surgery before hand, and all I could do was pray that there were no complications. I wanted to live, I didn't want to die.
After the surgery, I had taken a turn for the worse. My head was hurting so severely from the surgery, that I could not get up out of bed. I couldn't move my neck or my head, let alone my entire body. Any time that I had tried, I would start vomiting violently. The Doctors had to put cuffs around my legs to keep my blood circulating so that I did not develop a blood clot. I laid in that bed literally feeling like I was dying.
Finally after the sixth day, I was able to lay in the bed slightly propped up just a couple of inches. I was laying there talking to the Lord, thanking Him over and over for once again sparing my life.
Suddenly He was in my room beside the bed. I instantly knew that He was there by the way that the atmosphere had changed in my room. He came and stood by the side of the bed, silently looking at me with eyes so full of love for me that all I could do was quietly weep at His presence.
Then He reached up toward me and gently touched my head, like a Father would gingerly touch one of His children that were hurting. I felt the pain instantly leave my head.
When the Lord was done touching my head and stepped back, I noticed that His right hand was bigger than His left hand. This amazed me, so I asked the Lord why His right hand was larger than His left. He said:
“I have shown My hands to you as a reminder that it is by My right hand that you are being held up. It is by My Mercy and Grace, alone, that your life is spared, lest you forget. It is through My Power and Might, by My Spirit, that you breathe and are still alive, for your very life is in My hands. I have shown you Mercy, but one thing you also need to know. Had you died in that sin of unforgiveness toward those who have hurt you, My judgment would have come upon you. Had you died in that sin of unforgiveness, you would have known a torment far worse than anything that you have ever known. I have spared your life in order for you to be a testimony of what I have written in My Word, for there are many in the Church that are walking in unforgiveness, much like you were, that are in danger of eternal judgment. There are many in the Church that are willfully choosing to rebel against what it says in My Word about forgiving those that have trespassed against them. I am still the same God that I have always been. I change not, nor do I lie about any one thing that I command My followers to do. I have spared your life in order for you to go about My business, giving a message to those that love Me, to repent, and turn away from their sins, to quickly forgive those that have trespassed against them so that I, Myself, can forgive them as well. I have called you to give a message to My Church to repent, for they are being held captive by the choice of their own hand. I have not called My Church to be in bondage, but rather, have called My Church OUT OF EGYPT to be a voice for Me, to be a vessel used by Me, for My purposes and to My Glory. Go now, and tell all who will listen, this message that I have given to you about forgiveness of sins, for My Word has not changed.”
I lay in the hospital bed weeping, as I realized how close that I had come to dying in the sin of unforgiveness. I knew that the Lord meant business.
I also knew that I could no longer 'pick and choose' what I wanted to believe or follow, if I wanted to be a TRUE BELIEVER and FOLLOWER of Christ.
I was able to leave the hospital on the seventh day, only because the Lord had touched me and immediately healed me enough to be able to go home. I still thank the Lord daily for sparing my life.
Believe me, I cry when I think of what the consequences would have been for me, had I died in that sin of unforgiveness. I now give the Lord's message to any and all who will listen.
I hope that my testimony is a wake up call for many who, like I did, think that they 'have the right to be right'. I now realize that I should have given up my 'right to be right' the moment that Jesus was hung on that cross.
He took 'my rights' with Him, and in their place, He gave me His Peace, and 'His rights' to His FREEDOM, secured for me by the shedding of His blood.
And just think.....He shed His blood for all of us.
He shed His blood for our freedom from any offense.
I also came to realize that because I do not belong to myself, and that because I belong to Him, that the offenders weren't actually coming up against me, they were coming up against Him, and that's a no win situation for them, PERIOD.
Yes, there has been many, many times in my life that I have been horribly hurt and wronged by those around me. But one thing that I've learned is this: That my God, JESUS, is more than capable of pulling those deep-rooted splinters out of hurting hearts, and healing the deep wounds of the past. Won't you let Him in to do so in your life?.....
NOTE: If you are holding on to deep wounds and hurts from the past, please know that JESUS longs to heal you, too! If you are holding on to unforgiveness toward someone stemming from an offense committed against you, please know that JESUS longs to forgive you, and longs to help you forgive those that have hurt you. If you would like to receive forgiveness of any sins that you may have committed against the Lord, please know that the Lord is hearing you, this very moment. If you feel the need to repent and pray to the Lord, please pray the following prayer, out loud, to re-commit your life to the Lord and to ask for forgiveness of your sins:
“Dear Heavenly Father; Lord, I have come before You as a sinner, and I acknowledge my sins to You. Jesus, I need You! I believe in my heart that You are the Son of God and that God has raised You from the dead. Please be my Savior, and Lord over my life. Please forgive me for having any unforgiveness toward anyone in my heart. Lord, I would like to now acknowledge that I forgive all those who have trespassed against me, and I am asking that You help me to live my life to please You. Lord, I am asking that You take all of the wounds of my past, and heal me from them, enabling me to live my life victoriously according to Your Word. Lord, I thank You for forgiving me of my sins, and for being my Savior! Lord, I thank You for helping me to forgive those who have hurt me! In Jesus' Name I pray, amen!”
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Fibro-myalgia Healing
About four years ago, I became very sick. I went to the doctors for a few months and was tested for a variety of illnesses. Coming up with nothing time and again, the doctors finally diagnosed fibro-myalgia.
By then I was so sick that I could no longer do every day activities. I was in constant pain, pain that was so severe, that it was wracking my body with every move that I made.
I could no longer do simple things like take a shower. Every time that I would take a shower, the water hitting my skin would make me whimper and cringe in severe pain. I would get dizzy when I would stand up and so I had to resort to laying in my bed for days at a time. I would get up periodically and move around, but I could not stay up long.
After a while I felt like my very life was slipping away from me. I would slip in and out of blackness and was so weak that I thought for sure that I was dying. I was so sick at that time that I no longer had any strength in me to pray myself out of a wet paper bag.
It was at this time that my six year old son came into my bedroom where I was laying in bed. He suggested that I listen to one of my favorite teachers on the Word of God. I thought 'why not?' because at that point I felt that I really had nothing else left to try to get me out of the darkness that I was feeling.
My son went to the other room, and turned on my computer, turning the teaching up loud enough to be heard from my bed. I listened to what this man of God was saying, and I was concentrating on everything that God says in His Word pertaining to healing.
At the end of the first teaching, my son came into my room. He was all FIRED UP (Holy Ghost FIRE, that is!) from listening to this man of God preach. He came to where I was laying in bed, and grabbed my shirt. He rebuked that spirit of infirmity, and COMMANDED my body to be healed in Jesus' Name!
As I was laying there in bed while he was doing this, it briefly dawned on me that I was raising my children in the way they should go! They were being taught how to be Warriors for the Lord, and now my son was stepping into his Authority as a believer, and WAS USING IT! I was so proud of him at that moment!
As I was listening to my son praying over me, I suddenly felt that spirit of infirmity LEAVE my body! My son then told me to get up and go do something! I didn't need to be told twice. After all, I was the one that had pointed it out to him where it said in God's Word that FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD!
I knew that I could have all the faith in the world, but UNLESS I ACTED ON IT, it was dead! I knew that I had TO DO SOMETHING! So, I got up out of bed. My body still felt sick and weak, but I was REFUSING to go by my feelings. I knew that if I chose to go by FEELINGS instead of FAITH, that I would have stayed in that bed sick. I wasn't going there! Instead, I was choosing to do it JESUS' way!
After I got up, I started cleaning my house. I felt terrible, I felt weak, but I was rebuking the devil the whole time I cleaned and was quoting Scripture on healing when the feelings came. With-in ONE HOUR of getting up from my bed, I was COMPLETELY HEALED by JESUS! I was now running around my house singing, and crying, and praising the LORD! I was jumping, and running, and was having a blast doing it!
No more sickness, no more laying in bed, no more cringing when I took a shower, no more gasping for breath, COMPLETELY HEALED BY JESUS! And, of course.......JESUS IS KING!!!
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A Day of Healing AND Salvation
Back in 2003, I was still praying for my eldest son's Salvation. I prayed and prayed as a mother would, and yet every time that I would ask my son if he would receive the Lord Jesus as his Savior, he would tell me that he was not 'ready' yet. I grieved over this, and prayed that the Lord would get his attention.
One day shortly after praying, my youngest son was outside playing with his sisters. All of a sudden he came running in the house with his sisters, and they were all very upset. I was standing in my livingroom worshipping Jesus when they came running in. My oldest son was in the basement, and came running upstairs when he heard all of the commotion.
My youngest son then showed me his arm, which had a big festering open wound on it. He explained that he was outside skate boarding with his sisters, when all of a sudden his skateboard flew in one direction, and he flew in the other, landing hard on the cement sidewalk, and scraped open his arm in the process.
I noticed my oldest son looking intently upon all of us and my youngest son's arm, and so I silently prayed for the Lord to use this as a way to make a believer out of him. I asked my oldest son if he would stand over next to us and watch as the Lord healed my youngest sons arm. He agreed to watch!
I laid my hands on my youngest sons arm, and asked my daughters to lay their hands on his arm as well while we prayed. I told my oldest son to move in a little closer, so that he did not miss this move of God. He came and stuck his head right in between us, curious now about what it was that he was about to see God do.
My youngest son, myself, and my other two daughters then began to pray, calling upon our God to pour down His Healing FIRE, and asked the Holy Ghost to shrink that wound and close it up. My oldest son stood watching as we prayed.
Pretty soon, his eyes got REALLY big! He was watching not only with big eyes, but also with his mouth open in astonishment at what it was that he was witnessing! As we were all praying, the FIRE of God fell upon our home, and we watched as the wound on my youngest sons arm began to shrink right before our eyes!
We began to give praise to our God, and as we continued praising and worshipping Jesus, the wound on my youngest sons arm continued shrinking, and shrinking, and shrinking until it was completely closed up!
My son took a few steps backward, and sat sat down hard on the couch that was behind him. All he could say, was "Did I just SEE what I THINK I saw? Did I just see JESUS CLOSE THAT WOUND UP right in front of MY EYES?!?" I replied, "Yes, you just witnessed the POWER of God in action! Wouldn't you like to get to know this JESUS, Whom you just saw HEAL your brothers arm?"
He replied, "Yes, I think that it's time that I get Him as my Savior!" We all rejoiced, and cried out more praises to our God! We went to where my oldest son was sitting on the couch, and with tears in my eyes, I shared the Gospel with my son, and we all prayed with him as he received the Lord Jesus Christ as his Savior!
Later that evening, my oldest son went to Church with us and publicly announced Jesus as his Lord and Savior! As for my youngest son, he has absolutely no scars on his arm from this Healing, and he loves to tell anyone who will listen about how God Healed his arm to make a believer out of his brother, and most importantly, he loves to tell anyone who will listen about how...
JESUS IS KING!!!
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